Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
