so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i drank out of a bidet.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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