sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
