I want you more than these girls want KFC
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
In other news, I just burned my penis
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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