dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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