I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
