glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
