ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
