I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
