ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
