I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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