i permit you to call me
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
