Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Randomize
