I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
