Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
