yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
