you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
