I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
