New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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