Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
