Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
