I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
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