Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
