I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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