I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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