I saw his package. It spoke to me.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I need a beard to bite.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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