I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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