there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
