She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
