There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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