As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
