my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
There r osticjed everywhere
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
