do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
