Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Couch. On fire.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
