Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
