Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
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