im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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