Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
