when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
