I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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