Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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