Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Walk of Shame today included voting.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
