The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
