sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
40s are totally the cure
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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