sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
