just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
