So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
