the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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