How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just threw up on my dentist
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
