A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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